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Levi,

As pleasant as your face appears
And barely shows your scares and fears
I know inside, the pain you bear
Is unlike anything you can compare

But let it pass, your weariness
And surrender not into slums of sadness
Your mere wound run not as deep
As pressing matters soon will make you weep

Let it not crumble thy yielding faith
And succumb not to pains that test ye fate
Only time can heal thy deathly pang
Soon thy heart will be whole again

So fret not, my brother dear
For as sure as the Sun is sure, I will be here
Steadfastly, I espouse in all you do
I keep my fingers crossed for you

***

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Take care boy.

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An article from Sunday’s Star spoke of a topic that hit close to home with me. The following are excerpts from the article:

Sarcasm is a mean of indirectly expressing aggression towards others and insecurity about themselves. Wrapping their thoughts in a joke shields them from the vulnerability that comes with directly putting one’s opinion out there,”

“Sarcastic people protect themselves by only letting the world see a superficial part of who they are,” says Steven Stosny, a Washington D.C. based therapist and anger specialist.

Another psychiatrist, Albert Katz added more salt to injury by saying and I quote “People who use sarcasm don’t see themselves as being hurtful, they see themselves as being funny”

Ouch.

It is no surprise to those who know me that I have a quick tongue and a sharp wit. More often than not, I do pride myself of my sardonic comebacks especially when I win an argument. With anybody.

The truth is: I do see what all the researches and studies deduce about sarcasm. It doesn’t take a bunch of bespectacled nerds in white lab coats to help me figure that out. What I didn’t see before was the ultimate outlook of my attitude and character.

I do have a mean reputation for telling things the way they are and emitting an insolent quip or two.

If you know me, you already knew that. And if you haven’t (for the benefit of those who have yet to meet me but read me on my blog) well, you could probably sense it from the immodest way I present myself in writing. Sometimes, I do let my mouth do the talking, not my brain.

Lately, I am beginning to see a vast difference in my attitude. I am no longer frank, I’m just plain mean. I no longer bite back or watch what I say. I just say it.

And that is birthed solely from my unrelenting prowess to back down from a heated debate. I admit, it is a character flaw of mine.

But after reading the article, it did make me think twice about getting lippy.

At first, I was outraged, then insulted, then when logic kicked in and the wave of resentment ebbed, I realized that the article had summed up my entire flaw in spades.

A lot of the time, I don’t realize that I’m being hurtful when I react acidly. It’s a defense mechanism, my way of stuffing the opponent’s mouth when I am wrongfully accused. I just don’t like being the receiving end to someone’s mood swings so I react accordingly when provoked. The only reason I can think of to explain the surfacing of my sardonic conduct is from my bottled childhood.

Most of the time, I’d shut up and allow people to verbally assault, physically bully and mentally dominate my every word, action and decision. I didn’t have a mind of my own. Blindly following, I do as I am told. The fact that my parents—albeit loving, supportive, and caring—were protective and smothering didn’t help either.

I was a sweet kid. So how I did get this way? I really don’t know.

I guess when I started being “funny” and people began noticing my less then conservative way of conversing, they gave me their attention and respect, which I craved. It wasn’t long until being sarcastic started garnering people’s attention, which consequently led it to be a wicked habit and soon after, my inevitable predicament.

So I can try to take it down a notch but I doubt that tongue of mine can tame itself.

But what can I do? I’m only human.

To those who put up with my wisecracks and insensitive jibes (and I can think of a few people), you’re either stupid and blur or a true friend. And for the sake of me trying to be apologetic, I hope you are the latter rather than the former.

I’m sorry if I ever hurt your feelings, ripped your ego, stomped on your every hopes and dreams, or behaved like an impertinent dick. I don’t mean nothing by it.

But you have to admit, there’s never a dull moment when I’m around. = )

If you wear sweat pants with shallow pockets; always ensure that all loose items in your pockets are safely kept in a bag.

Cos’ you ‘ll never know when your wallet would drop out of said pockets when you’re on the train.

And that’s exactly what happened to me yesterday.

If there was one thing you could change, what would that be?

I wish there was something I could do to undo what I did.

A reset button..

Maybe it’s wishful thinking. Hell, it is wishful thinking.

Some say it is the past events that change your future, make you a better person and stuff.

I wish I could think that way. But I can’t.

I wish I could erase and change the past. But I can’t.

I guess what I’m trying to say is:

We wish.

We long.

We relent.

We learn and we try to move on.

But sometimes, there are just some things you can’t get over.

I’m on a roll.

This is the product of my three day weekend.

I don’t want to keep this on
What’s the use in carrying on?
I have nothing more to say
You will never change your ways

I can’t keep living on this phase like everything’s alright
Maybe it’s time we face the truth and say what’s on our minds

It’s over, so over
Let’s move on with our lives
There’s no point in living in this hurt that just won’t subside
Though it’s been said before
This time I mean it more
There’s no use in holding on
It’s over, so over
Love can’t save us anymore
Not this time

Girl, let’s not start pitting blames
At this point there’s no return
It takes two to play this game
And we both have lost out turn

We gave our love a try and that’s the best that we can do
It’s hard to say this but I guess I wasn’t meant for you

*** 

It’s kind of a mixed feeling of regret meets affirmation. It tells of two people stuck in a dead end relationship that isn’t really going anywhere and neither wants to end it though the thought of it may have risen before.

I am so hooked on this song, you have no idea how many times it plays itself in my head all day and now I’m gonna make you guys hooked on it.

Taken of Vanessa Carlton’s upcoming third album, Hands On Me speaks of the first moments of attraction someone faces when they meet a person they could potentially fall in love with.

Vanessa’s approach to writing is cooky and unconventional, a style I have come to find as both refreshing and educational. Give the song a listen and drop a comment so I know what you guys think of it.

I first saw you at the video exchange
I know my heart, and it will never change
This temp work would be all right if you’d call me, you’d call me
I lie awake at night for you and I pray

We cross the deepest oceans
Cargo across the sea
And if you don’t believe me
Just put your hands on me
And all the constellations, shine down for us to see
And if you don’t believe me, just put your hands on me

The subway radiates with heat
We’ve barely met, and still, I cross
the street
To your door

Someday when our stories are told
They’ll tell of a love like this
When our descendants are all growing old
1,000 years we’ll be singing

Na, na na, na na, na na na na…

We climb Tibetan mountains, where we can barely breathe
I see the Dalai Lama, I feel him blessing me
And all the constellations, shine down on you and me
And if you don’t believe me, just put your hands on me

I first saw you at the video exchange

Look out for Vanessa Carlton’s Heroes and Thieves:

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