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MARK VICTOR HANSEN, a well known motivational speaker and the man responsible for feeding avid book readers with Chicken Soup for the Soul, says this “By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you want to be. Put your future in good hands–your own,”.

And so I will. I’m even going to go as far as posting it here on my blog so I can remind myself  and the people around me of the things I want to achieve.

I’m at a crucial phase in my life.

I’m at a point where the things I do, the friends I’m with, the choices I make and the things I say will all culminate in shaping me into the person I am going to become.

It’s really now or never.

No more hiding behind the security of a safe and sheltered life.

No more depending on parents to ascertain life altering decisions.

No more “going with the flow”.

Life is what you choose to make of it and I hope to slowly but surely lift the foggy veil that is hindering me from seeing the things I want in life and work hard at achieving the things I already know I want out of life.

It is especially hard when you’ve led a somewhat comfortable life like I did, where plans are already laid out for you and the people in your life (in my case, it’s my family) has expectations of you.

Having said that, I am glad that my parents are the type to leave important decision makings to me.

They didn’t force me into a particular field of interest or come up with a list of ridiculously impossible achievements for me.

They didn’t even plan which college or Uni for me to enroll in.

There was a time I used to think they were rather complacent in the handling of my future and I was constantly worried about where I am going to go, what is going to happen because there was no plan, no direction. I felt aimless.

But now I see the wisdom in their decision because they didn’t want me to be complacent. They wanted me to worry so I will be the one to dictate where my life will go.

Because at the end of the day, you choose the path you are on and you choose who you are going to be.

And I am thankful for that.

***

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I know, you know
We don’t see
So our truth wait, patiently

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I walk the streets with a song in my head
We ebb and we flow so
Got my toes and my pup at the foot of my bed
My heart always seem to know
Take the glitz back I want the soul instead
Cause I’ve found some kind of fairytale

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I used to hover outside my truth
Always worry about what I’d lose

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Spent the last two years getting to what’s real
Now I can see so clear
I hope you feel just life I feel
Cause I’ve found some kind of fairytale

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NoLiTa flat on rent control
That’s the life I choose
Can’t drag me to the fashion show
The poses that I see through
Rubies in the afternoon
Cause I’ve found some kinda fairytale ; )

You know when you begin to realize that you are all grown up?

When you babysit a 5 year-old and end up falling asleep–on his bed.

Or shake your head in distaste when you chance upon seeing 13 year-olds and 14 year-olds dressed like slutty 23 year-olds and 24 year-olds and you think “Man, if my daughter were to dress like them….,”

Or when you begin having thoughts of your unborn kids dressed like slutty 23 year-olds and 24 year-olds.

You also begin to realize you’re getting older when you start looking forward to going home instead of going out at night because going out at night means getting in the way of rest time cause then you wouldn’t have enough sleep which would then cause you to be in a groggy and pissy mood at work the next day.

You start feeling grown up when you get a kick at being in Starbucks instead of McDonald’s cause that’s when you realize you are starting to consume more coffee than sodas.

You start feeling grown up when you are counting how much money you have in your bank account (or lack there of) and checking to see if you have enough to pay for next month’s expenses.

You start to feel grown up when you start using words like “hence” or begin sentences with “My only concern is…,”

Or when you start having things to be concerned about.

Sigh. That’s growing up people.

I’m still struggling with it. Other people are struggling with it. We’re all struggling with it.

Even people who think that got it made are still struggling with it. Growing up I mean.

I guess it’s never something you can avoid. Cause we’re all growing.

I sure am.

Looking forward to it.

Yet feeling a bit intimidated. Not knowing what is to come.

Oh well.

I guess it’s all part of life’s elaborate plan hence I’ll just have to go along with it and see where it leads me. My only concern is if I have the mental capacity to take it all in knowing fully well that I struggle with….

Oh boy.

P.S: Pay no mind to the author as he is sufering from lack of proper rest hence making him prone to exhibiting strange random behaviour that could be of-putting.